Full Caf Americano™
The way this works? Hollywood buys a property, say, Elmore Leonard’s Bandits — Bruce Willis owns the movie rights for that one — and then, short of some savvy agenting on the writer’s part, said property is in the hands of someone who can turn it into a remake of Keystone Kops. Which sort of happened with Willis’s Bandits.
Let’s hope that didn’t happen to Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Lincoln.
Erik Jendresen, the writer and executive producer behind the upcoming NatGeo production, compared Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth to the conservative grass roots movement during a press gathering to promote the project.
No offense, Bill, but this is what happens when you crawl in bed with “pinheads” like Tom Hanks. Already the MSM are trashing the teleplay and taking their obligatory cold shots at the book. An outstanding historical work and runaway bestseller, we might add.
Sure, you make a lot of money, but this is like turning over Gone With The Wind to Quinton Terrantino. Miss Scarlett (cast as a Sarah Palin look-a-like) would be slipping out to do the nasty with every field hand on Tara and Rhett Butler would be Republican, using the N-word in every other line. Maybe write in a role for Jamie Foxx: Sort of a Shaka Zulu meets Roots thing.
Now if you were a liberal, Bill:
Take the new Hillary movie they’re getting ready to produce. Young, idealist, fresh-scrubbed Midwestern girl rises to the pinnacles of power as first lady, senator and finally Secretary of State. Tour de force! Death of Bin Laden: Imagine covert Hillary meeting a Deep Throat character in dark parking garages.
Left on the cutting room floor? The Clinton’s Mena, Arkansas drug connection (virtually every newspaper account of this scandal has been scrubbed from Internet access); then something like 48 dead guys (Frenemies of Bill) — perfectly normal guys jumping off roofs, shot to death in country road intersections; natural causes in unnatural numbers, that sort of thing — and a suicide inside Hillary’s White House office. Okay, even in the park across the street, whatever. Whatta coincidence, huh? Being a FOB back in the day was risky business.
Benghazi? Hillary was absent during Benghazi. Wasn’t there. Jeez, she’d be happy to share what she knows, but was out sick that week, er… month. Such a tragedy it happened, though. Chris Stevens dead…? Tragic, just devastating. You just cannot have enough gay friends.
Oh, and Bill? Tom Hanks hates you.